The selected candidate will be well-versed in tabloid journalism; an eye for what the working man cares about (or woman - we musn't forget them, now! Oops nearly slipped up with some sexism there.).
WE offer a challenging brief - to be the go-between with, on one side, a nation facing cuts, impoverishment and homes repossession, and on the other, a Cabinet of well-heeled chinless multi-millionairres... not anybody can get the messages of the ruling elite across - YOU can, which is why we want you.
YOU will be an experienced tabloid editor well-versed in selling sleazy media dogshit to builders and factory workers.
YOU will be given a comfortable salary on the taxpayers payroll, brown envelopes to make up any difference with the wage officially published by auditors and what we actually agree on.
YOU will be responsible for the Government's spinning machine.
YOU will pre-empt bad news and distort all political news.
YOU will be in charge of hounding the Lobby journalists with ostracism from the top table tidbits if they don't toe the line (their biggest fear), so must have a ruthless demeanor.
Contact Dave at 10 Downing Street.